My Dinner with Lee I-a-Coca-Cola

People keep sending me this little clip from Lee Iacocca's new book, asking me what I think about it. To be honest, it's hard for me to read it without laughing. It's one of those things where it's funny, but it seems like it might be wrong to laugh- like if you were to go into an asylum and start making fun of people. You can find his ridiculous little rant here if you're so inclined. He may be qualified in some things, but last I checked, he hasn’t spent much time in Iraq. My favorite part is where he says "I've never been a Commander-in-Chief, but I HAVE been a CEO." Don't believe me? I'm serious, he actually wrote that- or at least dictated to some co-author. As someone who has been on both sides of the green machine, I can't even begin to describe how laughable that statement really is. But there's so much more. Here’s how his rant would play out if he had the guts to spew his cowardly diatribe in a two-way discussion over dinner-

Had Enough?

Enough of What?

Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, "Stay the course."

I’m sorry, Lee- I can’t get mad about our inability to build a hybrid car. I’m sure I should be furious, but I just can’t seem to get myself there. I’m not sure what “stay the course” has to do with Hurricane Katrina, corrupt tycoons, or even car-making. You’ve thrown a lot of different things into one bag here. Is that why you’re so angry? Because you can’t sort out all of the things that piss you off? Well, let me tell you- my outrage is right where it should be, Lee. I’m outraged about the myriad of beheadings that keep popping up on the internet. I’m pissed off at the islamofascists who keep blowing up our soldiers while they bring education and freedom to places that have needed it for centuries. I’m pissed off at the way women and children are TARGETED and systematically slaughtered by an uncivilized culture of hatred that promises good sex in return for their horrific misdeeds.

Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I'll give you a sound bite: Throw the bums out!

I guess I would have to ask you what “stay the course” means to you, Lee. I think it means we have to keep fighting these maniacs while we do everything we can to change the obvious defects in their culture (promote education while curbing religious extremism, treatment of women, etc). If you have a better way, then I would love to hear it. Pretending that the problem doesn’t exist is a cop-out. Don’t try to convince me that if we just leave the terrorists alone, then they’ll stop killing people. That’s a very weak argument. What’s the right answer, Lee? How did your buddy Bill Clinton deal with terrorists? Get “serviced” by interns while jihadis enrolled in flight school? Wow- that’s a pretty effective method. Maybe we should have stayed THAT course! As far as your “sound bite” goes- you’re right on! Throw the bums out! We took care of Saddam, Uday, Qusay, Zarqawi, and many others- now let’s continue to go after bums like bin-Laden and Zawhiri!!

You might think I'm getting senile, that I've gone off my rocker, and maybe I have.

Yes- you have.

But someone has to speak up.

Okay, but maybe it shouldn’t be you. But it’s a free country so screech on, brave warrior…

I hardly recognize this country anymore. The President of the United States is given a free pass to ignore the Constitution, tap our phones, and lead us to war on a pack of lies.

Well, I guess it’s all in the words, Lee. You see, I would argue that the President has finally been given the power to protect us against terrorists- something the prior administration deemed a bit low on the priority stack. I’d prove that if I could, but Sandy Berger accidentally stuffed a bunch of documents in his underwear during a recent visit to Archives- no biggie, though. He apologized. I think he had to pay a fine or something. But, yes- Bush now has broad sweeping powers that give our intel folks the means to go after the real baddies- if this means that some criminals might have a tougher time getting away with certain things, then I’ll accept that. My conscience is clear- they can look at my phone records all day long. Tap my phones. Come search my house. I don’t care. Do you have something to hide, Lee? Do we have some tax shelters out there that might come up a little bit soft under scrutiny? A pack of lies, huh? How about these direct quotes from some of your favorite people:

"If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program."

-President Clinton, Feb. 17, 1998.

"Iraq is a long way from [here], but what happens there matters a great deal here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat we face."

-Madeline Albright, Feb 18, 1998.

"He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has ten times since 1983."

-Sandy "Pants" Berger, Clinton National Security Adviser, Feb, 18, 1998

"[W]e urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs."

-Letter to President Clinton, signed by Sens. Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, John Kerry, and others Oct. 9, 1998.

"Saddam Hussein has been engaged in the development of weapons of mass destruction technology which is a threat to countries in the region and he has made a mockery of the weapons inspection process."

-Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D, CA), Dec. 16, 1998.

"Hussein has ... chosen to spend his money on building weapons of mass destruction and palaces for his cronies."

-Madeline Albright, Clinton Secretary of State, Nov. 10, 1999.

"Iraq's search for weapons of mass destruction has proven impossible to deter and we should assume that it will continue for as long as Saddam is in power."

-Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002.

"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is using and developing weapons of mass destruction."

-Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, MA), Sept. 27, 2002.

"[W]ithout question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime ... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation. And now he has continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction ... So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real ..."

-Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Jan. 23. 2003.

Wow, Lee- that’s a lot of lies!!! If you want Bush to stop making decisions that are based on packs of lies, then tell your crazy Democrat friends to stop lying to him!!!!

Congress responds to record deficits by passing a huge tax cut for the wealthy (thanks, but I don't need it).

Of course you don’t need it, Lee- but are you really saying that our hard-earned money should be spent by financial wizards like Marion Barry and Duke Cunningham? I thought you just said you didn’t like politicians! You’ve been bashing them like piñatas up to this point, and now you’re saying that we should trust them with our money? Sure, it’s easy to just hand your cash to the government and trust them to do good with it- but I think that’s crazy!!! I’d rather do my research, and give my money to worthy causes that I deem worthy- to people and organizations that I trust. Yes, it’s extra work, but I think my money is worth it. Apparently you don’t?

The most famous business leaders are not the innovators but the guys in handcuffs.

Okay, whose fault is that? The media outlets who publicize them or the people who watch it and drive up their ratings? Either way, I think we have bigger things to worry about...

While we're fiddling in Iraq, the Middle East is burning and nobody seems to know what to do.

Whoa, big man!!!! First of all, what’s this WE stuff?? I didn’t see you over there in Iraq! And if you HAD been there, maybe you’d know that we’re not over there “fiddling.” I’m sorry, but that’s just so damn demeaning- not just for those of us who were over there risking our lives in order to help people who couldn’t help themselves, but especially to those who were killed or wounded. Now I’m really pissed off. We took down a terrorist regime, installed an elected government, rebuilt an infrastructure that was so badly neglected you wouldn’t have believed it if you’d seen it with your own eyes- and you call that “fiddling”??? Asshole! Go to Walter Reed, look a wounded soldier in the eye- and tell him/her that they were merely “fiddling” in Iraq. I’d love to be there watching.

As far as not knowing what to do- I disagree. We fight the bad people and help the good people. Why is that so hard to comprehend? Are you rattled because the enemy is fighting back? Yeah, that never happened in any other war, right? During WWII the Germans and the Japanese just took their beatings like men, and it was over quickly, right? How on this green earth is it surprising that the enemy is fighting back??? Were you expecting a much easier fight? The fact that casualties in this war are unbelievably low when viewed through a historical context shouldn’t count for anything, huh? What do YOU think we should do, Lee? It’s easy to shrug your shoulders and say “everybody is stupid!” How does that help? I’ve told you my answer to this problem- I’m waiting to hear yours…

And the press is waving pom-poms instead of asking hard questions.

I haven’t seen the pom-poms. Are we talking about two different conflicts? Because the press that I’ve seen publicizes each and every tactical “success” that the enemy achieves- which is exactly what the enemy wants. I’m still waiting to see the press report about the University that my unit renovated in Mosul. I saw a whole bunch of stuff about some sick teenagers from Maryland who played naked twister with some terrorists. No pom-poms, though.

That's not the promise of America my parents and yours traveled across the ocean for. I've had enough. How about you?

I don’t know, I think most of them would be proud that we still think it’s worthwhile to fight against the forces of evil, no matter where they strike from or where they choose to hide…

I'll go a step further. You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged. This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have.

True- if you’re not outraged by the horrific actions of terrorists, both in our own country and abroad, then yes- you are not a patriot. So pick up a rifle and head to Baghdad brave guy! However, if you think it’s best to direct your anger, passion, and energy against a patriotic man from Texas instead of a mass-murdering psycho like bin-Laden, then I promise you- you are not a patriot- you’re just another asshole who gives inspiration and hope to those who wish to exterminate us.


The rest of his ridiculous screed just goes on to explain why he is so much smarter than Republicans, Democrats, and anyone else who chooses to read his soggy load of crap.

And for those of you who have been asking what I think about Tenet's new book, I don't really know enough to comment on it. But Christopher Hitchens does. I don't like Mr. Tenet. While serving under the Clinton regime, Mr. Tenet came to Korea and flew around in my Black Hawks. He didn't like one of my Hawks, because he thought it was "dirty." We caught a lot of heat for that. That kind of prima-donna BS was so typical of the Clintonians. SECDEF Cohen wouldn't even get out of the aircraft until the rotors came to a complete stop, lest it blow away his hairpiece. But I digress...