Tonight you will be treated to the long-awaited high-noon showdown. Cheney and Edwards will go at each other like Mary Kate and Ashley fighting over the last remaining seconds of their 15 minutes of fame. Sorry for the obscure pop-culture reference, but I just felt "hip" all of a sudden.
Edwards will accuse Cheney of being a "corporate greedo" who uses $100 bills for toilet paper.
Cheney will laugh at this accusation, because Edwards is one of the most successful class-action tort-mongers (re: mega millionaires) in the history of our flawless legal system.
The big topic of discussion for the evening? My sources say "Halliburton." I can't tell you too much about Halliburton, but I know that they did a helluva great job feeding me, protecting me, and logistically sustaining me while I was in Iraq, and they're doing a swell job for me right now in Kuwait as well. As a soldier, that's all I care about. Let's not forget that many of their brave employees died while supporting our nation's sons and daughters.
Like most of you, I've heard the charges: Dick Cheney used his "Halliburton connection" to orchestrate an unethical, ill-advised no-bid contract which gave Halliburton the nod to rebuild Iraq's oil facilities while feeding and sustaining our great soldiers. Depending on how far left you are, you might even believe that Cheney coordinated with bin Laden for the 9/11 attacks and/or "sexed-up" the entire world's Iraq intelligence in order to secure profits for the company that he no longer works for. Furthermore, Halliburton has more ongoing investigations than <insert witty/funny analogy- sorry, I'm fresh out>.
The truth as I know it is that Cheney's only involvement with Halliburton since leaving the company are the pre-agreed pay installments that he received over the last few years- which he gave to charity. That's it- not even so much as a phone call since he left the company.
Here's the part that gets me- if Halliburton's no-bid contract was so disgraceful, where is the evidence? All I need to see is one example of a company that would have been better suited for the task at hand. If Edwards says, "I can prove that the contract was unethical because Company A or Company B would have been a better deal for our soldiers and our government," then I'll start listening. It'll never happen. The fact is, Halliburton was the best company for the job and it was a wartime requirement, which means the needs of our soldiers come first. They attract more legal scrutiny than Martha Stewart on the floor of the NYSE (okay, so I had one more), because Dick Cheney used to be the boss. If you still have any questions about this, please go to factcheck.org or freespeech.com to get a better rundown. I'm good, but not as good as I think I am.
If Cheney does his job tonight, Edwards will walk away from the podium as the guy who's more concerned about fair business practices than the needs of our combat-deployed troops.
If Edwards gets his way, Cheney will walk away from the podium with a disgusted look on his face and a roll of $100 bills hanging out of his pants.
Let the games begin!!!